Happy new year!

Usually, I’m a New Years Resolutions kinda gal. As I’ve recited verbatim in countless job interviews: “I’m goal oriented. Give me a number and I’ll hit it.” I actually enjoy the tedious tradition of reviewing last years resolutions and performing a mental balance sheet of my life according to accomplishments and failures. I like to set ambitious but realistic resolutions and then go about bettering myself by working through them. At the end of the year, I like to look back and see that my resolutions have moved me closer to who I want to be in my life.

I’m ashamed to say that this year I’m left resolution-less. The best I’ve been able to come up with so far is: I’ll lose 6kgs and start running again. Really?! So much for the overall betterment of character. There are still so many things about myself that I’d like to work on but much like an old house it seems that as soon as I get the flooring into a semi-decent state, the electrical works go to shit and then the mould in the kitchen turns that dangerous black colour and so on.

As I near the end of my time in Thailand I’m left in a haze of something that feels a bit like jetlag. I feel as though the train has suddenly pulled off and I’m struggling with vertigo I can’t seem to shake. I’m looking forward to the new challenges 2011 will undoubtedly bring but my life is so up in the air at the minute, how can I possibly set resolutions I hope to achieve? I’ve no idea what the year that marks my 3^rd decade holds for me! For my poor Cancerian soul, this is a challenge of epic proportions. My fate, my destiny, my path lies entirely in the hands of others. Oh the struggle, oh the drama!

Hmm… Perhaps this leads me to the perfect resolution: Learn to be comfortable living in the moment and not being able to map out a flow chart detailing every possible, probable and plausible outcome that may stem from the current situation. Learn to be ok with not knowing. Eeek! I can’t think of anything more terrifying! This is challenging the very core of my character. Resolution material? Absolutely! Ambitious? Certainly. Realistic? I’ll have to get back to you.